I know it’s been a while since my last post, but I hadn’t felt a release to write. A lot has happened in the last (almost) 40 days. We have been close to running out of gas, low on funds, we have seen relationships restored, people brought back to God, healings, and also a lot of quiet prayer time, as if we have been out in the wilderness. But regardless of our circumstances, we have realized that God will come through even if its not the way we think He should or in the way we are “believing” for. God is a God of the miraculous and we have testimonies of things we have seen God do, so I can’t deny this, but He is also one that pursues our hearts. God wants our motives pure and a relationship with each of us. So as I asked what I should share. And rather than share all the stories in detail, I have felt as if God wanted me to share my heart and what I have been challenged with.
As we pulled into South Carolina, we had just been though a huge trial. We were very low on gas and almost out of money. We had been seeking the Father and learning about grace and faith and how the two were tied together. We were believing for the miraculous, God to fill the tank with gas and the needle to just jump. But when that didn’t happen in that way, we were a little shook up and needless to say doubt, questions, etc began to flood our hearts. But through a series of events, God provided in great ways. As we pulled into our destination in South Carolina, we began looking inward and asking God to reveal to us what was going on. He showed us that this journey is again about REST. He exposed our hearts in how when something didn’t happen the way WE expected, doubt flew to the surface. This trial exposed some hidden doubt I didn’t realize was there, but God did. He wants more than anything to see us sanctified as we go, because this is sometimes the only way the “guck” comes to the surface, but we have to be willing to let God show us what that “guck” is so we can let Him take it from us. But God showed us how He did provide. This taught me a lot. Because I started to see that true “faith” IS “Rest”. I relax because I know the father and regardless of our circumstances and what it looks like, He will come through. I “let go”.
So after all of this, God told us to WAIT. Someone offered to pay for a months stay here in South Carolina and so we took that as confirmation to WAIT. This is where we have been. God has done some amazing things and we have made some wonderful new friends that have kids and travel too. We have been having fun, campfires, clamming, riding bikes, talking to people from various parts of the world, but most importantly, we have had some wonderful quiet times with the Lord. But at times, it feels as if He has been silent. This silence makes me anxious, because of the feeling I need to be “doing”. But it is about REST. One night, I was praying, because I just felt like I was reading the bible searching for something, but I didn’t know what that something was or what to even look at. So I put the bible down and just said, “God, you have been teaching us a lot about grace, faith, and rest, but something is missing.” The next thing I heard was “humbleness”. Wow, a light bulb went on in my head. I began finding all the scriptures on being humble, meekness, and lowering ourselves. Rather than “teach” on this, I encourage any of you as God leads to look these scriptures up and see what God shows you. The more we get ourselves out of the way, the more God can flow through us. Less of us, MORE of Him…This is faith, totally put our life and all we do, in Him. You see, I thought I “had faith”, I thought if I believe enough, or say all the right things then things will happen. But what I am finding is it really is relational. Its trusting him even through the trials, because it exposes our weaknesses so He can remove them. Before, if a trial came, I questioned my “faith”. Now I see my hidden pride, weaknesses, and as He takes them away, we become transformed and our hearts purified. Its beautiful.
So, we leave on November 26th, and where too, I don’t know yet. But I know God will direct us and continue to transform us which will reflect into those we meet. I am excited!